As most of you know, my father passed away three weeks ago. I thought I'd be more up and down emotionally than I am. I mean, I thought I'd cry more, but rather, I am more easily distractable. Concentration is more difficult in conversations with people. For some reason, I can blog just fine, but conversation is tough. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that my computer doesn't care and people do, or at least can.
Anyway, today is one of those days when the thought, "Oh my God, my father is dead," has crossed my mind. It wasn't a sad feeling, but more like a micro-panic, like there is something I forgot to do and now I can't. The feeling doesn't match reality, but feelings seldom rely on reality. I've got my next trip to Minnesota slated and maybe that has something to do with it.
When death crosses your path, it's not a break or a time out. It's over. Yes, I will be with my father, but that reconnection will require either my death, his resurrection, or the second coming of Christ. There is no real certainty about the timing of any of these events.
I guess mentally I ran across one of those million little holes left in a person's life who loses someone they love to death.
1 comment:
I haven't lost my father, but in '92 my sister was killed in a car accident. She was 19 and I was 20. About 6 weeks into it as I was eating in the Bean one night it hit me because she and I had eaten together nearly every night in The Bean her freshman year at ACU. For some reason that night sitting there at the table the reality of the loss set in. I'll never forget that moment.
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