A friend of mine who reads my blog says I'm funny (thank-you very much) and that I sound anrgy (thank-you, but in a different sort of way). My brother-in-law wonders why my posts have gotten more "venomous," recently. Donna wonders if I am ashamed of my "tribe." David U tells me I am a great blogger.
Everyone who gives feedback is a mirror. What they offer is a reflection of the person to whom they are giving feedback. At the same time, no one is a perfect mirror. No one person can give anyone else an exact reflection of themselves.
So, getting feedback from people is kind of like walking through the funhouse and looking into those mirrors. Yes, that's really you in there, but it is not exactly what you look like. It's not that it is not you, but it is an interpretation of you.
Yes, all feedback is an interpretation. It's not that it is false or wrong, but that is has been gathered with other information and bounced back to you. It's not necessarily contaminated or unreliable, but it is simply not an exact representation of the person receiving the feedback. This, I believe, is good. It is good because I do not believe people to be static entities. People are dynamic, changing, morphing.
Much of what helps that change along has to do with the interpretations that come from the community surrounding the person. These interpretations are not so much deterministic, but rather they are influential. Favorable interpretations are often absorbed while unfavorable are often resisted. However, even the interpretations that are resisted have influence because they influenced you to resist them. Resisting someone's interpretation is not nothing either, it is an active effort.
This is the reason no feedback should be discarded - for they in fact, cannot be. At the same time, no feedback should be swallowed whole either - for in a way, they all lie. All feedback about you is actually about you, but is also a little autobiography of the person giving the feedback.
I am grateful when people have the courage, wisdom, frustration, generosity, disgust, concern, care etc to even take the time to give me feedback. So, whether I'm lit up with "youre' great!" or doused with "You sound angry," I am grateful for the mirrors I get to look into.
9 comments:
I appreciate the open and honest way you address this issue. I tend to go back to the "mirrors" that make me look more attractive and avoid those that make me look less attractive. (Kind of the same way I like the pictures where I look like the fittest person in the snapshot instead of pictures where I look like the biggest blob.)
I am thankful that God has blessed me with a few mirrors who at times are brutally honest and cause me to really examine myself.
On a side note: This post brought to mind the sociological principle of "Looking glass self" which describes that we get much of our self image by our perceptions of the ways others percieve us. Notice that, according to this school of thought, what we think of ourselves is not based on fact but on what we THINK others think about us not on what they actually do.
You are a great guy who SOOO has it all together, in addition you are a great writer and a deep thinker! (I like that mirror)
As well as one can know another through a blog the above is totally true. Any you are right. Some of my harshest criticisms have made me realize things in my life I needed to either accept or change.
Chris,
Interesting post.
Strange thing though: After I read your post this morning, I read, in my planner, this quote from Andrew Jackson: "I have accustomed myself to receive with respect the opinions of others but always take the responsibility of deciding for myself."
Refreshing! Your reflection to me.
Chris-
You are funny - Aaron and I enjoy reading your posts, since we share your "tribal" background.
One feedback item: I noticed since I read your site with Bloglines that the images in posts don't show up in the feed when you use relative paths (e.g. img src="imagename.jpg"). If you use absolute paths (http://www.yourdomain.com/imagename.jpg or whatever), the images will still show.
Keep up the good blogging.
Hey--great thoughts here. And, venomous may have been a bit strong. :) Even though that was fro your eyes only, you're forgiven.
Sitting at McDonalds with you for two hours Monday was one of the highlights of my year. I'm so glad we're related through our wives. I'm very blessed to not just call you brother-in-law but brother.
I'm glad to be a mirror for you anytime, bro!
With my mug, I try and stay from mirrors as often as possible!
Keep posting!
Well OK, cat's all the way out of the bag. The specific brother-in-law to use the word venomous was Brandon, the weird bubble blowing Indian head dress wearing worship minister who is a great brother-in-law, brother, and friend.
Great weekend at your place. Looking forward to Zoe.
I'm glad to be a mirror for you anytime, bro!
With my mug, I try and stay from mirrors as often as possible!
Keep posting!
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