On marriage

Emergeresque has gathered some great marriage quotes. Go get 'em.

Biblical interpretation for our times

"No greater love hath mortal man than to go to Michael's with his wife."

-My wife interpreting scripture.


YES! She gets it. She has replaced "for a friend to die" with "go to Michael's with his wife."

Michael's = death. It's the perfect interpretation.

Whoa, that really speaks to me. I am getting credit for those Michael's trips. YES!

Brand Loyalty

The Pope reminded us recently that salvation is through the Cathloic Church. It's disappointing. I remember the same message from my church (Church of Christ). I spent years of my life feeling lucky and glad that I was in the right church, that I was saved because I was not deceived like the people in other churches - false chruches.

When I learned that more people than Church of Christ people are "saved," I was mixed in my feelings. On the one hand I was glad that more people were acceptable to God, but I felt betrayed as well. What I counted on to be truth was just a marketing effort to promote brand loyalty. Oh, it was a sincere and naive effort most of the time, but marketing none the less.

I survived. I am okay in my faith. However, that is not the case for some others. What passes for truth, all too often, is an institutional, self-promotional power grab which uses Hell as a wedge against people of the wrong denomination, group, or belief. Lots of people get the taste of this kind of ingrouping and outgrouping and run for the hills.

I am sure the Pope's words about the Catholic Church being the only one's who can be saved are comforting to the faithful, but how can it look like much more than a marketing ploy?

My hope is that people will not be fooled by these exclsuive claims, this cornering of God.

God's not limited to a church, a denomination, a doctrine.

The Talk(s)

My wife and I began what is going to be a series of planned and impromtu talks with our children about sex. My wife spent Friday evening and half of Saturday with our daughter and I did the same with our son.

There were planned conversations like the classic, "Where do babies come from?" conversation and the, "Here's what is and will be happening to your body" conversation.

No question was off the table.

"How does the dad give the mom the seeds?" was my favorite question from my seven year old.

Talking about sex with your children can be an intimidating thing to do. There are certain fears that parents have about doing some sort of damage to their kids. And, it is good to be cautious. At the same time, it is important to understand that sexual conversation is upon them already.

My daughter told me about a boy in her 3rd grade class who was always talking about humping. After some exploration of the kind of humping he was talking about, it turns out he was talking about what dogs do. "Humping," as it turns out has not changed in definition since I was a kid - a relief or sorts for me. However, it did alert me to the fact that this kind of conversation and likely a whole lot of others are eching through the school walls in third grade.

Another thing to consider about talking to your children about sex is that young children, unless they have had extensive TV exposure or experienced abuse, is that kids have not been exposed to the misuses and abuses of sex. Sex, when spoken of in appropriate ways, cannot be a dirty thing to a kid. Sex isn't dirty. It's interesting to a kid. It's weird to a kid. It might be gross to a kids, but not in an immoral sort of way.

Biological forces are at work in your child which will lead them to shed their little bodies for larger adult bodies. Sexual development is not something to be left to the echoing voices in school. At some point in school there will be formal sex education. It is good to have laid some groundwork at home prior to this happening in school.

Finally, what I like most about the time I spent with my son (and the time my wife spent with my daughter) was that we can talk. They are not afraid to ask us a question. Since I didn't freak out when my son asked me about how the dad gives the seed to the mom, he does not think that to be a bad question. What awful tihngs can be done to a kid who asks an innocent question. I told him it was a really good question and that he was smart to think of such things.

I want that door to remain open as long as as possible. The longer he feels safe asking me such questions the better chance I have in making a difference in his life. Because, no matter what, he is going to ask these kinds of questions and many, many more as he grows. I'd rather he ask me than someone who gives him bad information. I'd rather I show him how to get good information than to leave it up to the boys in class who "know" about humping.

To Be A Reseacher 2

This is my second installment on being a researcher. The first is here.
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The strange thing about being a researcher is that you have to be creative, imaginative, and take risks.

Creativity, imagination, and risk-taking were not words I would have associated with being a researcher a year ago before I entered into my doctoral program. What creativity or imagination does it take to crunch numbers? How risky is a spreadsheet full of numbers?

Oh, but the spreadsheet full of numbers is just the means by which you arrive at something meaningful. The creativity and imagination comes in the questions. Yes, there is the literature search you do to come up with questions, but that is limiting yourself to other people's imagination if that isall you do.

An incurable imagination must be what drives the researcher.

"I wonder what would happen if..."
"Has anyone ever thought about..."
"Is anyone asking ___________ about this phenomenon?"

Taking risks means doing something different in front of other people. It might be using a different method of analysis. it might be asking unconventional questions. it might be trying out a sophisticated method you have never tried before. It is presenting your findings in front of other people at conferences.

There are political risks in research as well. Your findings might get you tagged as a liberal or a right-winger. You might be misquoted or taken out of context. You might get challenged or refuted. You might get completely ignored altogether.

In my first year of doctoral work, I tried super hard to think of the right question. I wanted to do it right. I floundered badly for weeks on end. What I failed to do was get curious, get creative and get imaginative. I failed, in essence, to take the necessary risk which is required in a full and generous use of my own imagination. An imaginative person is motivated to work hard because his or her work is a mission, it is an adventure, and it is fun.

Yes, I said fun.

If you cannot have fun being a researcher, then I wonder why you would want to be one. Change the world? OK, maybe, but even then, change it into what? Even in landmark, groundbreaking research, there has to be a sense of adventure and curiosity. I guess you could bring home a paycheck and that is enough for you, but that is enough to create something that matters to anyone else? Maybe.

One of the most important lessons I have learned is that researchers are creative.

The Flowers oF Hastings

Click here to see the flowers of Hastings, Minnesota.

Happy Bithrday, America

Happy Birthday, America.

Thanks for the freedom you have generously given me.

Thanks for the cool holidays like the 4 th of July where I get to watch colorful explosions.

Thanks for prosperity.

Thanks for the opportunity to get an education.

Thanks for plenty of food and clean drinking water.

Thanks for freedom of religion and freedom of speech.

Thanks that you have said "All men are created equal."

Thanks for trying to live up to that ideal (and including women in that ideal).

Thanks for a culture that presses toward innovation.

Thanks for the optimism.

Thanks for democracy and giving people a voice.

Thanks for setting up mechanisms of change self-critique.

America, you are not perfect, but you have done some wonderful things. So, today I honor your 231st birthday with respect and celebration.

America, please continue to make every effort to move toward greatness in generosity, compassion, and courage.

All (?) in the family

You would think that a question like, "Who is in your family?" would yield identitcal results from one family member to the next. Well, it doesn't. Who is considered a family member is subjective and can be unique to each member of the family.

When families blend and form stepfamilies, the answers get even more divergent. Consider the research below.

Stepfamily Living
Family Identity: Children and adults often define family membership differently. In one study, children and adults were asked to identify people they consider their family.

• Less than 10% of children failed to mention a biological parent,
• 31% did not include a residential stepparent in their family list.
• They were also more likely to omit stepsiblings from the list (41%).
• Just 15% of adults, on the other hand, neglected to list stepchildren.

Furstenburg, F.F. (1987), The new extended family. In K. Pasley & M. Ihinger-Tallman (Eds.), Remarriage and Stepparenting: Current research and theory (p. 42-64) New York: Guilford. Reported in Susan Stewart, Brave New Stepfamilies, 2007.

This is important to understand because it reveals that people in stepfamilies get familied at different rates. You can imagine the potential for conflict when a stepparent who has familied their stepchild tries to assert authority on a stepchild who has not familied the stepparent.

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" is likely to be the response.

So, the point here, I think, is that people get familied at different paces and that familization pricess must be respected.

Peace is like...

There is a future for the man of peace. Psalm 37:37

Sometimes this kind of saying is hard to believe. Wars, small and large, dot the earth. There is violence in all cities and towns. Domestic violence and violence against children occurs at alarming rates. There is much evidence to say that there is not much peace to be found.

But this verse is not saying that there is peace. Instead, it implies a lack of it. It implies that a man (person) of peace is a rare and good thing. A man of peace is patient. It does not say that he has a present, but it does say that he has a future.

Peace is like yeast. It needs some time to make its impact.

Peace is like a tree. It needs time to grow. The more it grows the stronger it is.

Peace is like a river. In appearance it is gentle, but it carves away rock and carries away trees.

Peace is like the wind. It cannot be stopped or killed. It can go anywhere.

Peace is like the sun. Just because there are times when you cannot see does not mean it is not there.

Peace is like ants. Constantly busy toward a goal and undeterred by barriers.

Peace is like a pregnant woman. There is the ever emerging promise of something wonderful that becomes more and more noticable over time. Though pain and sometimes deep fears join along in the journey, the end result is a wonder and the pain and fear fade in to the shadows.

Peace is like kudzu. It grows on existing structures and changes them.

Peace is like blanket of snow. It first blesses with its beauty, but them eventually melts and quenches the thirst of winter dried soil.

Calling Names

I posted previously about the power to name. I took a look at the negative side of naming, which I will call labeling.

There is a good side to naming. Giving or using appropriate names is different than, even the opposite of, labeling a person. Parents name their children. It is a powerful thing to do. It is an intimate thing to do. That name almost always remains for the duration of the child's life.

People who know your name can talk with you. People who know you by a label cannot speak with you. They can talk at you or near you - they might be able to talk (down) to you, but not with you. People who know you by name know more than just the word you respond to. They know you.

You know who the people are who are capable of, who have the right to, call you by name.

The book Watering On Water is a great book that has a lot to say about the power of naming, and the power of labeling.

And then there is God. The ancient Jewish people had a way of referring to God a the YHWH. This has been translated as Yahweh, Jehovah, or Lord. What I like about the way the Jewsih people dealt with the name of God by not actually having the name for God means that they recognize that they cannot name God. Not being capable of naming something means that the thing, whatever it is, defies the container in which a name would place it.

God cannot be named, contained, or defined. God cannot be labeled and cast aside like so many people have been from all times. God names. God names the namers. God does not label.

God has released the power to name to people. There are few greater acts of trust than giving someone the power to name.