Pages

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Fat Man's Guide To Rock Climbing

I climbed Suagr Loaf Mountain today. Idiot! Last time I did that I was 15 years younger and 40 pounds lighter. I'm fat compared to that college punk who did that a decade and a half ago. Here is what I learned about a fat man rock climbing:

1. Don't

2. If you do, wear the right shoes.

3. Climb small mountains with easy inclines. Steep is bad.

4. Reserve the right to quit.

5. No matter what, you're not a sissy. So be safe.

6. Failure is determined by injury, not how you got.

7. Don't tell your spouse exactly how dangerous it was.

8. Stop lots of times to breathe. I mean huff and puff.

9. Face the fact that you cannot do what teenagers do - and make that your mark of wisdom.

10. Don't look down.

8 comments:

Keith Brenton said...

Pinnacle Mountain in Little Rock is much easier! Come on down, Fajita; I'll buy you a Starbucks coffee and we can commiserate about how young our knees used to be.

TCS said...

You should have seen this coming! How old are your kids? I have discovered two bits of wisdom lately. One is that trying to keep up with my 5 year old on a bicycle with training wheels, while going up and down our street is almost too much. And pitching batting practice to a bunch of 9-year-olds IS too much. It doesn't matter how much you used to play. Maybe that is the lesson, Past performance is no guarantee of future ability. I guess if your like me its the 40 pounds that are getting you and not the years.

Greg Brooks said...

I was with Chris today, so I can add a couple of rules:

--If your goal is to pee off the mountaintop, you better start up before you feel the urge. Otherwise you'll just have to pee halfway up. Your bladder is not as young as you think you are.

--What doesn't seem steep on the way up will seem steep on the way down when your knees give out.

--Make sure you reserve the right to quit before you get to the part where if you quit, you will fall.

--Don't tell your wife how dangerous it was, but be sure she knows what a stud you are.

Jema said...

I used to go to HU -- Sugarloaf at 30+, yikes!

OT - why no RSS feed? I'd love to check back in and would like to add you to my RSS reader.

dredom man said...

#7.
nuf said.

Anonymous said...

i can't agree with "don't". "Don't" is how we got fat. "Do" hike, backpack, geocache, kayak, and yes climb but go back into it gradually. A two mile backpack trip where you enjoyed yourself is a success. Go to an indoor climbing gym and suck at first but get stronger and better and thinner each week. "do".

Anonymous said...

i can't agree with "don't". "Don't" is how we got fat. "Do" hike, backpack, geocache, kayak, and yes climb but go back into it gradually. A two mile backpack trip where you enjoyed yourself is a success. Go to an indoor climbing gym and suck at first but get stronger and better and thinner each week. "do".

Sun said...

Michael's Belay Glasses: http://belayglass.blogspot.com/ Don't crane your neck while belaying. Wear these glasses and look forward to gaze upward saving on neck strain. They allow the belayer to more fully concentrate their attention to the task at hand, especially on long, protracted sessions. They accomplish this at roughly a 1/4 of the cost of the other product on the market, putting this easier into the average climbers budget.