Psalm 51 Reloaded

Oh God, I’m begging for help;

You’re endlessly good;

Your love is bigger than the universe itself;

I blew it!

I blew it big time and it is bigger than I am;

Your love is the only thing bigger than my sin;

I need a do-over;

It keeps replaying in my mind over and over again;

It’s all I can think about.

 

I betrayed you. I embarrassed you. I made you look bad.

I deserve whatever revenge you can imagine,

And it still would not make things right;

This guilt hurts so bad it feel like I have always been bad;

Like I was born this way – evil;

The opposite of your desires.

 

I need to be scrubbed from head to toe;

From heart to soul;

I am filthy;

I am infected;

Clean me;

Heal me;

Restore me.

 

Could I never be happy again?

It seems impossible.

Could I ever look in the mirror again?

Seems hopeless.

But maybe? Could I?

 

Oh God, don’t look at me – I’m hideous.

Maybe you could just rip out the bad parts and leave the rest;

Maybe there would be something left.

Maybe just start over.

Create me a second time. Fresh. New.

I feel so torn.

I do not want to be far from you,

But I can’t stand to be with you when I am like this.

 

I used to have hope,

But that was before I ruined it;

Could I have this hope again?

Oh God, don’t leave me, not now, not in this time of crisis.

 

I promise I will never forget what I have done.

I will warn others about this.

It is my mission.

 

I will tell everyone how kind you are;

How filled with compassion you are;

How you ignored revenge and loved me instead.

I will tell how you did not require payment;

You did not exact a pound of flesh.

 

Let the goodness that I now know in you be for everyone;

I am certain that if everyone knew you this way,

There would be more joy in this world.