Oh God, I’m begging for help;
You’re endlessly good;
Your love is bigger than the universe itself;
I blew it!
I blew it big time and it is bigger than I am;
Your love is the only thing bigger than my sin;
I need a do-over;
It keeps replaying in my mind over and over again;
It’s all I can think about.
I betrayed you. I embarrassed you. I made you look bad.
I deserve whatever revenge you can imagine,
And it still would not make things right;
This guilt hurts so bad it feel like I have always been bad;
Like I was born this way – evil;
The opposite of your desires.
I need to be scrubbed from head to toe;
From heart to soul;
I am filthy;
I am infected;
Could I never be happy again?
It seems impossible.
Could I ever look in the mirror again?
But maybe? Could I?
Oh God, don’t look at me – I’m hideous.
Maybe you could just rip out the bad parts and leave the rest;
Maybe there would be something left.
Maybe just start over.
Create me a second time. Fresh. New.
I feel so torn.
I do not want to be far from you,
But I can’t stand to be with you when I am like this.
I used to have hope,
But that was before I ruined it;
Could I have this hope again?
Oh God, don’t leave me, not now, not in this time of crisis.
I promise I will never forget what I have done.
I will warn others about this.
It is my mission.
I will tell everyone how kind you are;
How filled with compassion you are;
How you ignored revenge and loved me instead.
I will tell how you did not require payment;
You did not exact a pound of flesh.
Let the goodness that I now know in you be for everyone;
I am certain that if everyone knew you this way,
There would be more joy in this world.