Pages

Friday, February 02, 2007

Molasses in January

I am writing a literature review as part of my role on a research team.

Today it took me 2 hours to write four sentences.

This kind of writing is so slow it reminds of an old Star Trek episode. This kind of writing is very painful for me.

Any of you geniuses out there who have written anything like this got some advice for me?

4 comments:

Keith Brenton said...

Surely you must mean "old Star Trek: The Next Generation episode.

And here's my advice. Write something like this:

"This piece of literature does not deserve such elevated nomenclature as to be called "literature." It is endless and boring drivel with no rare moment of insight nor style to redeem it. If it were a light bulb, it would be a 1-1/2 volt DC flashlight bulb, energized by a 1/2 volt solar cell basking in the power of greater compositions. If it were a fire, it would be a damp strike-on-box only flicker, ignited briefly by a mighty and engulfing conflagration of superior work. If it were a star, it would be the sort of star in its final moments of turning inward upon itself before becoming a black hole that would vacuum up its own light beams and those of the glorious surrounding galactic core of better writing. To say that it is illuminating is the most criminal of exaggeration - the flat- out, unrepentant, unperceived bald-faced lie. To defend it as ambitious would be as accurate as so labeling an ant trying to move a planet. If it were only a waste of time and money, its offenses could be excused as trifling, but to squander such resources in such a squalidly dull and inexorably pedestrian obfuscation of self-obvious truth in inscrutable lingo is simply not forgivable. It warrants the immediate extradition of the author(s) to that Twilight Zone world where all similar works are strewn about and forever available for their reading pleasure ... as soon as their thick trifocals have been confiscated and crushed.

In other words, my recommendation is to just write like you write your blogs - full throttle out, no holds barred and one-hundred percent Fajita.

Fajita said...

Thanks for the props. I will never stop writing my blog(s), nor will I stop writing for a general audience.

I guess what I am going is learning a new skill and it is very hard to do it well.

And the Star Trek reference was more like William Shatner 4 decades and 50 pounds ago.

winsome.one said...

Welcome to academia. It does get better and easier with practice, believe it or not.

Keith Brenton said...

Surely you must mean "old Star Trek: The Next Generation episode.

And here's my advice. Write something like this:

"This piece of literature does not deserve such elevated nomenclature as to be called "literature." It is endless and boring drivel with no rare moment of insight nor style to redeem it. If it were a light bulb, it would be a 1-1/2 volt DC flashlight bulb, energized by a 1/2 volt solar cell basking in the power of greater compositions. If it were a fire, it would be a damp strike-on-box only flicker, ignited briefly by a mighty and engulfing conflagration of superior work. If it were a star, it would be the sort of star in its final moments of turning inward upon itself before becoming a black hole that would vacuum up its own light beams and those of the glorious surrounding galactic core of better writing. To say that it is illuminating is the most criminal of exaggeration - the flat- out, unrepentant, unperceived bald-faced lie. To defend it as ambitious would be as accurate as so labeling an ant trying to move a planet. If it were only a waste of time and money, its offenses could be excused as trifling, but to squander such resources in such a squalidly dull and inexorably pedestrian obfuscation of self-obvious truth in inscrutable lingo is simply not forgivable. It warrants the immediate extradition of the author(s) to that Twilight Zone world where all similar works are strewn about and forever available for their reading pleasure ... as soon as their thick trifocals have been confiscated and crushed.

In other words, my recommendation is to just write like you write your blogs - full throttle out, no holds barred and one-hundred percent Fajita.