Confessions of a failed leader #3

Series begins here.
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I have been giving a lot of thought to this series since I started it. My purpose of this series is not to throw a pity party for myself or garner anyone's sympathies. Rather, I am giving an inside look into how I experience leadership, a certain kind of leadership. I figure I might not be the only one who has ever felt this way.

Here is another inside look: I tend to believe (on an emotional level) that I must get all of my motives in check before I can be an effective and authentic leader. Now, think about that condition when you read these confessions. For a person like that, leadership is a living hell.

I have come to the cognitive conclusion that waiting for my motives to be in check is like waiting for perfect weather - even if it does come, it'll be gone shortly. Now, on an emotinoal level, I still have some work to do in really believing that I can lead even when my motives are not perfect or even all that good.

I hope that this confessional will give hope to people who lead something that they are not alone in their secret questions, worries, concerns and selfishness. I know that these words would carry some more weight if I were some famous leader. Ah, but God knows better than to make me a famous leader, for now anyway.

So, here goes:

21. I can’t lead because I don’t know how others view me.

22. I can’t lead because my view of myself is contaminated with current emotion state, no matter what it is.

23. I can’t lead because my appetite gets more votes than anyone.

24. I can’t lead because I’m too easily satisfied with my own little rewards to wait for rewards that will benefit my followers.

25. I can’t lead because I need to be revered.

26. I can’t lead because I think talent is enough.

27. I can’t lead because I let momentum be the victim of distraction.

28. I can’t lead because I think my critics are my enemies.

29. I can’t lead because I believe that what’s written on the package describes adequately what’s in the package.

30. I can’t lead because I am afraid to lead.

Break from leadership confessional

Beaner brought out a question about leadership in my depressing confessional about failed leadership (which still has two more installments). It got me thinking about kinds of leadership.

Here are different kinds of leadership off the top of my head:

1. Organizational (CEO, Senior minister, etc)
2. Educational (teaching, not administration)
3. Coaching (athletic, executive, job, etc)
4. Therapeutic (Counselor, friend, etc)
5. Spiritual (spiritual director, guru, etc)
6. Family (Parent, grandparent, spouse, etc)
7. Political
8. Visionary/Charasmatic

Here is another way to look at leadership: contextual effectiveness.

Group Size
1. Large groups
2. Small groups
3. One on one

Toward what end?
1. People movement
2. Connection/Community
3. Growth and/or Healing
4. Innovation
5. Maintenance

OK, I'm doing this on the fly. Give me some help here about leadership. What ideas are coming to your mind?

Confession of a failed leader #2

11. I can’t lead because eventually I will steal from my followers.

12. I can’t lead because I’m too proud to ever be wrong.

13. I can’t lead because I am rarely able to distinguish the difference between what is right and what I believe.

14. I can’t lead because I insist on making clones of myself.

15. I can’t lead because I resent people who think everyone should be clones of themselves.

16. I can’t lead because I have no idea how to measure risk.

17. I can’t lead because, even if I did know how to measure risk, I prefer to let someone else make the hard choices.

18. I can’t lead because I hear complaints as personal attacks.

19. I can’t lead because I am too busy defending myself.

20. I can’t lead because I am too likely to walk away with my reward without regard for what happens to my followers after I am gone.

Confessions of a failed leader #1

When I was feeling like a failure as a leader of a certain project, I reflected on my failure. Looking back on these reflections I realize not only how self-condemning I can get (not good), but also how insightful I can be (good thing). If you are a leader of something (and you just might be), there might be something to learn in the next fews posts called, "Confessions of a failed leader." If you are vulnerable to be depressed by e-confessions, then click here for a few days until I get this out of my system.

1. Leadership, as I understand it, requires a sacrifice I am currently unwilling to make.

2. There is no financial reward or amount of fame that can replace what I lose when I decide to lead. If I am going to lead I am going to have to find a damn good reason for it.

3. Leadership is not for me. It does nothing for me. Therefore, I am not prepared to lead. Since leadership won’t change, it’ll have to wait for me to change, if that were possible.

4. Leadership requires a love for a vision, and I’m too selfish to love a vision.

5. I can’t lead because I require praise for it.

6. I can’t lead because I don’t know where I am going.

7. I can’t lead without violating someone else’s rights, so I shouldn’t lead.

8. Leaders hold in their hands something of value to their followers. My hands are weak, rough, and clumsy.

9. I can’t lead because I don’t know how to respect other people’s valuables, their trust, their hearts, and their passions.

10. I can’t lead because I don’t know what to do with my heart, let alone someone else’s.

National Association for Self-Esteem and Joyology

It's not that I am all about self-hatred or self-loathing, but do we really need the National Association For Self-Esteem? Yes, understanding how special God made each of us is important - I am a therapist so I deal with this everyday. But an whole association? Come on.

Are you lacking joy? Have you considered seeking help from a joyologist? Thanks to me you now can link right here to not only a joyologist, but America's Favorite Joyologist. Now, if you live in Canada, here's your premier joyologist, link filled with joyful music as well and picture of joyful woman flinging flowers, joyfully.

Want to become a joyologist? Click here and you're on your way.

Or you could try out James' personal joyologist here.

Do you have high self-esteem? Find out here.

Think you got self-esteem figured out? Check out the myths here.

Related topic here on my stepfamilies blog.
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Hey gang, I have reactivated my Christian Parenting Blog. Check it out.

Maximum Effect Explained

Click here for the post this one is referring to.
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We can't hide. We can talk all we want to about what we believe and who we are. We can talk theology, mission of God, Kingdom, etc. We can blog about it, write about it, talk about it, and communicate about it. We can promote, market, influence, and convince. But we are who we are.

Imperfections will be revealed. It's like this: we can be intentionally honest and transparent and let people see us holistically. Or we can try to conceal our weakness and just hope we don't fart, so to speak. Good luck with that one.

Honesty has a way of finding its way out when we make efforts to keep it in. When that happens, and it does not match what we have shown, it's embarrassing - even humiliating. It doesn't match and everyone notices. And when it's out there, thre is no going back. Blame, humor, "covering your butt" all fail to make a difference when honesty demands its way.

Truth says, "If you will not be honest about me I will be honest about you." Rrrrrrrrrrip!
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On another note, if you are new to my blog, please notice a couple of sidebar lists:
1. Favorite Posts
2. Favotire Series

These will give you a flavor of what this blog is all about.

Maximum Effect

Warning - once again potty talk and public humiliation

It was my first trip to Houston. For a Minnesota boy, age 20, this trip to the edge of the earth was more than a little exciting. We were called Conquerors, a Christian drama group (now defunct), and we traveled here and there performing our Christian skits and promoting Harding University. I was their leader.

My good friend, Brian Mashburn (now preaching here), a former Conqueror and new youth minister (here) organized the trip for a youth retreat for his new youth group. We arrived just after the sun went down at Gulf Cost Christian Youth Camp. The camp was an architectural piece of crap with shambled shacks for cabins and a mess hall that got you wondering about slime and mold – and scorpions as I found out later. I also learned a lesson about fire ants, receiving an obnoxious bite where a female will just have to use her imagination to know the pain I experienced. But it served its purpose for 150 restless teens dying for a weekend to get out of the city – 45 minutes of Texas pasture land away from the city.

We all met in the gym on the hill for the drama performance and devotional. It was an outdoor gym with a metal roof, but wide open on the sides. Somehow the echo in this gym was more amazing than anything I had ever experienced before.

We lead off with our funny skits and then got into more serious matters - skits with a purpose. With each skit, the tension grew, just as we planned - just as we had done dozens of times prior. Then we hit the skit called, “Serving Two Masters.” Brian and Robin and I had performed this skit for two years, but this time Brian had a change. Right at the climax of the skit, Brian was going to do his devo talk – a strategic move. Then we would finish the skit after the talk.

This is classic Brian Mashburn. He is all about maximum effect. Well, he got more than he bargained for this time.

With 150 teens sitting on the concrete floor of the overly echoey outdoor gym, the three of us stood facing the teens with me on one side of the “stage,” Robin on the other and Brian in the middle. The point of the skit is that I am one master, Robin is the other master, and Brian is trying to please both of us, but fails one master by serving the other. He tries frantically to please us both, back and forth, to and fro, but to no avail. Finally he is worn out, frustrated, and at his wit’s end. So he stops in the middle and screams, “Stop!”

His words echoed in the gym. The only sound that could be heard was the echo of his “Stop” and the giggles of the kids (there are always several who giggle at this point). What was supposed to happen next is he was supposed to say, “What are you laughing at? I am not the only one trying to serve two masters” (Yeah, kind of harsh to take advantage of kids in that way, but hey). However, the change was that after Brian screamed, “stop!” Robin and I sat down in our places on the “stage,” a good ten feet from the nearest of the teen sitting on the concrete floor. It was at this climactic time that Brian was going to give his impassioned plea for the teens to serve God, and God alone.

I sat on my rear balanced by my hands behind me and legs stretched forward facing the teens. Brian took a leap from the climax of the skit and cranked it up a couple notches higher. Brian was awesome. He had 150 teens in the palm of his hand. He could have been Pentecostal easy. Then Brian gathered one more burst of steam to close the deal. He worked and moved and built up to what was going to be the final word. He was poised to give it to them, hand gestures, facial expression, and posture all saying, “Here it comes!”

He opened his mouth to speak, but what the teens heard next was not his voice, but my fart.

Yes, a fart. Now, please, let’s not think this to be merely the passing of gas. It was a loud, concrete slapping, fart that echoed for a solid two seconds. There is nothing more vulnerable than a public fart that interrupts spiritual climax with no one close enough to blame it on. If you recall, I was in front of everyone, but not within 10 feet of anyone. Blame was not an option, so I went for the next best option - humor. I took my right hand and did a Fonzy thumb and stuck that thumb to my forehead, like the game we would play in youth group about who has to eat the gas. It was all I could do, try to cover myself with humor and laughter.

The problem was that Brian had done such a great job of capturing these kids into a spiritual state of readiness that not a single teenager laughed. Yes, there were boys present. No one laughed. Not even a snicker. I was totally naked out there.

Brian turned his head slowly to the left and looked at me with a horrified look on this face, a look that said, “Your fart may have put a kid's soul in jeopardy," or was it, "I am going to kill you.” Anyway, he just knew I was saving that one up to sabotage his talk. I swear, though, it snuck up on me and escaped without my permission.

Sure, Brian finished his talk, but not with the full impact of the message.

One year later, Brian asked me to be his summer youth ministry intern. He told his youth group I was coming that spring. “What you mean the guy who farted?”

You don’t want to be known as the guy who farted.

Spiritual application tomorrow.

Emerging Church in Media

This is a good article on the emerging church. Thanks to Stephen Shields for pointing it out.

Sugar

Click here and download Sugar for free (At least I got to do it for free), or listen to it for 30 seconds straight from the website. It is a song by The Concretes. This is the group from the Target commercials, "Say something new..."

After you have done this - PLEASE, would someone tell me why I am addicted to this song?

If I could be like Rick

When Rick Warren got going out in California with Saddleback Church, he did something different. It was innovative, groundbreaking, edgy, relevant, and demoted denominational allegiance to a saner level.

I have been a part of three churches who have adopted the PDC model and none of them increased on lick in membership. Why is that? I mean, it works for Rick Warren, why not the churches I got to?

Well, I think I have a couple of reasons. Let me know what you think.

1. Rick Warren asked hard questions about God's mission, his culture, and what he was willing to do. What so many of the churches who have adopted the PDC model do is focus on Rick Warren's model. The thing is, if you focus on Rick Warren's model you are not doing what he did. He didn't copy someone; so ironically, by copying Rick Warren you are not doing what he did.

2. Rick Warren shed denominational allegiance in order to follow the mission of God. However, the churches I have seen adopt the PDC model have done it "Presbyterian style," or "Church of Christ Style," or something else. Again, this is the exact opposite of what happened with Rick Warrern.

3. Saddleback was a church plant. Every church I have known adopt this model is injecting it into an existing system.

4. Rick Warren's PDC model is a means to an end, God's mission. Churches adopting the model seem to view the model as the end. "When we get this into place we'll be set." Rick Warren seeks to innovate while these churches seek to arrive.

We are naive to think that by copying Rick Warren's model that we are doing what he did. We are not. In fact, the more we copy the content of his model, the more we cripple our ability to use the process he used and innovate like he did. Much more important than the content of the model is the process of what it took to create it.

OK, that 's the critique. I do think, however, that churches adopting the PDC model have the chance of gaining in church health. Furthermore, some do launch out of their homeostasis.

Bottom line, it is all about the mission of God. How can we join in the continual, persistent, and ever-present mission of God?